first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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