Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
