I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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