Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize