he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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