i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
