trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
