thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
