Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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