i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
