I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
