I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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