Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
