I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
