I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
