Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
