so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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