Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
