so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
