What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
wow bdsm is so cute
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize