I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
