so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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