I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
