I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ketchup is God's man juice
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
