Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
honey bunches of taint.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
