i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
