it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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