Umm I'm too high to move.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
