We won't sleep together?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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