i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
