Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
