this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
