Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
