It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
