Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
