I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
