They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
