Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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