I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
