you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
