You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
