Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just puked most of my soul out..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
