Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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