Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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