Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
im on a boat
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