I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
