3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
pray to the hookup gods
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
