dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
