i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
