Heybabeimwearingurpanties
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
