i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
