This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
and you fell through a lawn chair
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
