I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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