So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
