Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
