i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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