i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
