I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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