totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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