I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
