Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
