i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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