I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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