sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
