we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
