I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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