Do you still have your period?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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