I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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