i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
