I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
