You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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