Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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