she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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